Is Emotional Ghosting Haunting My Marriage?

With Halloween right around the corner, it is the perfect season to take a closer look at a lesser-known form of ghosting.  While mostly associated with dating—-when one person suddenly stops contacting another, or blocks another without explanation—ghosting can also rise from the shadows in marriages, often in the form of emotional ghosting.

While emotional ghosting is not as prevalently discussed, its presence in long-term partnerships can have a detrimental impact on the closeness of the relationship. Seeking out couples therapy and marriage counseling is essential in understanding how to avoid or repair emotional ghosting.  But first, let’s take a look at what it is, what causes it, and how it can be repaired. 

What is Emotional Ghosting? 

Emotional ghosting in a relationship refers to a situation where one partner withdraws emotionally. Becoming distant, unresponsive, and often indifferent to the emotional needs of the other partner and family. While this is a foundational definition, a marriage therapist or marriage counselor can help define further particulars and help couples better identify when and where emotional ghosting occurs. 

What Are Some Common Causes of Emotional Ghosting?

1. Communication Issues

   Poor communication or a breakdown of healthy communication habits can lead to emotional distancing.  When one or both partners don’t feel heard or understood, they might begin to withdraw emotionally. Couples therapists can help substantially with creating and reinforcing healthy communication patterns. As well as jettisoning modalities that no longer work within the partnership.  

2. Unresolved Conflicts or Patterns of Resentment

   Chronic arguments and frustrations, if not moved through, can cause partners to emotionally distance themselves as a way to cope and potentially protect themselves from further emotional pain.  Couples counseling is extremely beneficial in helping to tease out what some of these long-term patterns might be.  Often deep conflicts are so buried—and become so enmeshed in a relationship dynamic—that couples are not often aware of how systemic the issue is.  Having an objective third party—in couples therapy—can make a large difference in identifying and releasing these patterns.

3. Personal Challenges

   Mental health issues, stress, or unresolved past trauma can impact one’s ability to be present for themselves or their partner.  As a result, partners may also struggle to connect emotionally.  

4. Change in Priorities

   Sometimes, when people's priorities shift due to career changes, parenthood, or other life events, they might unintentionally neglect their relationship. This neglect can lead to emotional distance over time, and result in them not showing up emotionally within their partnership. When job or career issues shift, this can also cause emotional ghosting around spending patterns, money management, and savings.  Working with a financial couples counselor may also illuminate how these life changes are impacting emotional presence within the relationship.

5. Loss of Intimacy

   Emotional intimacy is a crucial component of closeness.  If emotional intimacy wanes because of a lack of physical intimacy, emotional connection, or not spending intentional and connected quality time together, one or both partners might withdraw.  Couples counselors can help identify how intimacy and sex have an impact on emotional availability.  

6. Infidelity

   Affairs can lead to emotional distancing in the form of guilt or shame. Additionally, the emotional involvement with the new person can cause a partner to lose vested commitment in connecting with their partner, leading them to shut down or ghost within the connection. 

7. Expectations and Disappointments

   Unmet expectations can lead to emotional dissatisfaction. When one partner feels consistently disappointed or unfulfilled, they might withdraw to protect themselves from further disappointment.  Because these can be chronic patterns, couples counseling is an essential step in identifying how long-term emotional dissatisfaction may be impacting the relationship. 

8. Fear of Vulnerability

   Being vulnerable in a relationship requires trust and safety.  If a partner does not feel supported in their emotional openness, they may intentionally avoid deeper conversations. 

How Can Couples Repair if Emotional Ghosting Is Present?

1. Self-Reflection

   Reflecting on your personal emotional patterns, familial history, and belief systems around connection, and being aware of how you respond to challenges is crucial in working on emotional repair.  While a couples therapist is helpful to both partners, seeking out therapy or counseling individually may also be necessary. 

2. Open Communication

   This requires each partner to create a safe space, practice active listening, and be willing to express vulnerability.  Consistency in this practice builds trust and emotional engagement. 

3. Empathy and Understanding

   Having curiosity over judgment about your partner’s experiences and responses is essential.  Part of this is validating and affirming their emotions, even if you are not necessarily able to relate to their experience. Understanding that their impressions may not align with yours, and trying to relate to their outlook, is extremely important for the emotional health of your dynamic. 

4. Rebuilding Trust

   While small gestures and consistent practices help to rebuild trust and foster safety, couples therapy is a great way to seek out specific techniques that will ultimately lead to greater fulfillment in your relationship.

5. Quality Time and Intimacy

   Prioritizing one another and setting aside intentional time to reconnect is important to repairing after patterns of emotional ghosting.  Spending time knee to knee, making eye contact, or just holding one another creates presence and space for both of you to feel seen and grounded. 

6. Couples Therapy and Marriage Counseling

   Committing to online couples therapy, marriage counseling, or individual therapy while you are working in couples therapy is helpful for learning new and better patterns of communication. A couples therapist will also be able to help you identify specific instances where emotional ghosting has occurred within the relationship.

7. Patience and Persistence

   Rebuilding an emotional connection takes time. Often,  the partner who has emotionally ghosted in the past might be triggered to do so again. Acknowledging that this temptation will arise, and working together on rerouting communication, is the foundation for creating new and healthier pathways to bonding and love. 

Emotional ghosting can ruin a marriage by eroding communication, emotional intimacy, trust, and overall relationship satisfaction. It creates an environment that is detrimental to the well-being of both partners, potentially leading to the breakdown of the marriage if the issues are not addressed and resolved. Open communication, empathy, online couples therapy, and marriage counseling can be helpful in addressing emotional ghosting and rebuilding the relationship.

Ready to Start Couples Therapy and Marriage Counseling in Los Angeles, CA?

If you find yourself experiencing emotional distance in your marriage, don't let it become a haunting presence in your relationship. Take the first step towards healing and connection by seeking online couples therapy and marriage counseling. Emotional ghosting, though often overlooked, can have a profound impact on communication, intimacy, and trust—fundamental elements of a healthy relationship. Together with a skilled couples therapist, explore the root causes, learn effective communication strategies, and rebuild the trust and intimacy that form the foundation of a fulfilling partnership. Don't let emotional ghosting cast a shadow over your marriage—follow these three simple steps to get started:

1. Contact me today for a free consultation to see if couples therapy and marriage counseling are right for your relationship

2.  Begin meeting with a skilled couples therapist

3. Learn to form a more fulfilling partnership and begin healing from emotional ghosting!

Other Counseling Services I Offer in Los Angeles

At Therapy for Adults, I offer support for anyone experiencing relationship issues, not just couples. In addition to online couples therapy and marriage counseling to help you heal your relationship, I offer dating coaching and therapy for dating and relationship issues. I also help highly sensitive people process their uniqueness and appreciate their surroundings and rich internal life. All of these services are available through online therapy throughout California. For more posts like this, check out my Blog!