What Not To Say During Online Couples Therapy: Tips From a Los Angeles Couples Therapist
Online couples therapy, also known as marriage or relationship therapy, can be a valuable resource for couples looking to improve their relationships, resolve conflicts, and rebuild their emotional connection. It's a safe space where you can openly communicate, and a skilled couples therapist will be able to guide you and your partner toward a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
However, the effectiveness of online couples therapy greatly depends on open communication, trust, and a willingness to change. While it may seem odd that there are things you shouldn’t say in therapy, there are certain things that can hinder the process.
At Therapy For Adults in sunny Los Angeles, California, we specialize in working with couples and individuals who are looking for support in their relationships. Here are some great tips we’ve learned through years of couples therapy that can help you create a more positive therapeutic experience.
Tips For Online Couples Therapy
Blame and Accusations
Two of the most damaging things you can do are to place blame or make accusations. Pointing fingers at your partner, assigning blame for the relationship problems, or making hurtful accusations will only escalate conflicts and create an environment of hostility. Instead, focus on using "I" statements to express your feelings and needs. For example, saying "I feel neglected when you spend so much time at work" is more productive than saying "You're never there for me.”
Comparison to Others
Comparing your partner to someone else, whether it's an ex-partner, a friend's partner, or a celebrity, can be detrimental to the relationship. It diminishes your partner's self-esteem and makes them feel inadequate. Rather than making comparisons, try to emphasize the unique qualities and strengths your partner brings to the relationship. Encourage them to appreciate your individuality as well.
Ultimatums
Threatening your partner with ultimatums, such as "Do this or I'm leaving," can create an environment of fear and insecurity. It's essential to remember that counseling is a space for cooperation and understanding. Instead of ultimatums, communicate your needs, fears, and boundaries. All while being open to compromise and finding solutions together.
Demeaning or Hurtful Comments
Using hurtful language or demeaning comments during counseling sessions can severely damage your partner's self-esteem and the therapeutic process itself. Avoid name-calling, insults, and negative judgments. Treat your partner with respect and kindness, as you would like to be treated. Respectful communication is crucial for fostering a healthy therapeutic environment.
Denying Responsibility
A common mistake during couples counseling is denying personal responsibility for the relationship issues. Saying, "I'm not the problem; it's all you" is counterproductive. Instead, acknowledge your part in the issues and be willing to work on your own behaviors and attitudes. Taking responsibility for your actions is a crucial step towards resolving relationship conflicts.
Dismissive or Deflecting Responses
When your partner shares their feelings or concerns, it's crucial to listen and respond thoughtfully rather than dismissing or deflecting their emotions. Saying things like, "You're overreacting," or "It's not a big deal," diminishes your partner's feelings and can lead to them shutting down emotionally. Practice active listening and show empathy towards your partner's emotions.
Reliving Past Mistakes
Bringing up past mistakes and using them as ammunition during counseling sessions can be counterproductive. It's important to focus on the present and the future, rather than dwelling on past grievances. Past mistakes should be discussed in the context of understanding, forgiveness, and finding solutions to prevent them from recurring.
Making Assumptions
Assuming you know what your partner thinks or feels without asking can lead to misunderstandings and miscommunication. It's essential to ask for clarification and not jump to conclusions. Instead of saying, "I know what you're thinking," ask, “What are you thinking?"
Online couples therapy can be a transformative experience for couples seeking to improve their relationships. However, what you say during these sessions can play a significant role in determining the success of the therapy. Being mindful of some of the above suggestions can help you create a more positive therapeutic experience for you and your partner.
At Therapy for Adults in Los Angeles, we love supporting the couples we work with to create healthier, loving, more balanced relationships. We’d love to give you that same support. Reach out today to schedule your first session.
Ready to Start Online Couples Therapy in Los Angeles, CA?
Are you and your partner facing challenges in your relationship? Take the first step towards a stronger, healthier bond by exploring online couples therapy. With expert guidance at Therapy for Adults, and a safe, convenient platform, you can work together to build a more resilient and fulfilling partnership. Don't wait any longer; invest in your relationship's future by following these three simple steps:
Contact me today for a free consultation to see if online couples therapy is right for you
Schedule your first online couples therapy session and begin meeting with me, Steven Reigns, a skilled couples therapist
Begin overcoming the issues in your relationship in positive ways!
Other Counseling Services I Offer in Los Angeles
At Therapy for Adults, I offer support for anyone experiencing relationship issues, not just couples. In addition to online couples therapy and marriage counseling to help you heal your relationship, I offer dating coaching and therapy for dating and relationship issues. I also help highly sensitive people process their uniqueness and appreciate their surroundings and rich internal life. All of these services are available through online therapy throughout California. For more posts like this, check out my Blog!
