How to Stop Overthinking in a Relationship

Finding someone to share your life with is exciting. You may have spent years looking for that special someone, so once you have finally found them, you want to do everything in your power to keep the relationship alive and well. 

This can be nerve-wracking. Oftentimes,  existing problems we have as individuals are highlighted in intimate relationships. They can become a context that reveals our greatest strengths, as well as our weaknesses.

For many people, overthinking is one of those weaknesses that can plague our relationships. It can leave you feeling on edge and insecure, while your partner may be confused and frustrated. When left unchecked, overthinking can damage the bond between you and your partner. 

Read on for some insight to why you overthink everything in your relationship--and what to do about it.

Why do I Overthink Everything in my Relationship?

People engage in overthinking for many different reasons. No matter what has caused you to overthink, it is important to address this behavior for the sake of your relationship.

Ready to get help from a trained relationship therapist on how to not overthink your relationships?

You have Anxiety

People who have anxiety often find themselves worrying about many different things and have a difficult time controlling their worries. Ruminating on anxious thoughts can take a toll on your personal well-being, and it can affect your relationship as well. 

You Have Been in Unhealthy Relationships

In some situations, overthinking can be a survival skill. If you had parents with unpredictable behavior or have been in unhealthy romantic relationships, you may have learned to anticipate others’ reactions to keep yourself safe--physically or emotionally. 

While overthinking may have helped you cope with past situations, it may no longer be a helpful skill. In fact, overthinking can be damaging if you are in a healthy relationship.

You are simply a Human Being

Everyone can fall into the trap of overthinking from time to time. This does not mean you are broken or a bad person. Relationships are hard and take constant work. Consider this an opportunity to grow your emotional intelligence and learn new ways of being with your partner.

How to Stop Overthinking in Relationships

Try these tips to reduce overthinking in your relationships.

Challenge Your Anxious Thoughts

Sometimes thoughts can feel true, even if there is no evidence to support them. The next time you catch yourself in a cycle of overthinking, hit the pause button and examine the anxious thought at hand.

Ask yourself, is this supported by fact or feeling? What evidence do I have to support this thought, and what evidence do I have against this thought? Some people find it helpful to process their anxious thoughts by writing them down. Seeing the words written on the page can help you look at your thoughts more objectively.

Entertain Positive “What-Ifs”

Our brains excel at coming up with negative thoughts. When you become wrapped up in overthinking, you are likely considering worst-case scenarios and imagining elaborate deceits by your partner. However, that imaginative skill can also be flipped the other way. 

Instead of painting negative pictures in your mind, try entertaining positive “what-if” statements. What if my partner is running late because they stopped to buy me flowers? What if I really am able to trust this person? What if I have finally found the person of my dreams?

Instead of constantly expecting the worst, start giving your partner (and yourself!) the benefit of the doubt--you may be surprised by what you find. This is a helpful way to challenge your internal negative assumptions.

Seek Support from a Relationship Therapist or Dating Coach

Relationships can be difficult, and there is no instruction manual for how to be a good partner. If you are struggling with overthinking, you could benefit from speaking to a professional relationship therapist or even a dating coach to address and minimize this behavior.

As referenced earlier, overthinking often stems from deeper emotional or personal issues. Working with a therapist can help you identify and process these issues, which can improve the relationship you have with your partner.

As a relationship therapist in Los Angeles, CA, clients can sometimes see the work we do is that of a dating coach,  helping you work toward your relationship goals. Dating coaches help people recognize patterns in their relationships and offer potential solutions for common dating problems, such as anxious overthinking. 

If you are interested in learning more about how couples therapy or dating coaching can help you learn how to stop overthinking relationships, contact me today for your complimentary consultation. 

Communicate with Your Partner

Communication is key in any relationship, but it is especially important if you are prone to overthinking. If you find yourself constantly overanalyzing, it is wise to make your partner aware.

With that being said, be deliberate about how you choose to communicate about this. They are not at fault for your overthinking, so it is important to avoid blaming them for your anxious thoughts. You should also make clear that you do not expect them to change or be responsible for your overthinking.

Rather, the purpose of communicating is to make sure your partner knows what you are thinking and feeling. This can help foster a sense of understanding between the two of you. 

When speaking with your partner about your internal experience, use “I statements.” For example, instead of saying “You make me overthink our relationship,” try saying something like, “I am struggling with overthinking about our relationship.” 

Focus on What You Can Control

You cannot control your partner’s thoughts, feelings, or actions. Even if you could, doing so would not address the root of your overthinking and therefore would not ultimately solve the problem in the relationship.

Instead of dwelling on what your partner is doing, focus on what you can control, such as your own thoughts. Even if it feels impossible to reign in your overthinking, it can be done. It is natural for random thoughts to pop into your head. However, you can choose whether to overanalyze these thoughts or let them float away.  Ask yourself, is this thought helpful? Is it worthwhile to think about this? Do I have any reason to think this is true? If the answer is no, let it go. Letting it go can also be challenging and that’s something else that can be addressed in therapy. 

Learn how to stop overthinking relationships with the help of a relationship therapist and dating coach

Ready to get unstuck from the cycle of overthinking? Reach out today for your complimentary consultation. Where we can talk about how I can help you stop overthinking through either therapy for relationship issues or dating coaching.