Why Do My Relationships Never Work Out?

Dating can be tough. If you’re reading this, you’re likely well aware of that. Maybe you consistently put yourself out there and get rejected by others. On the other hand, maybe you find connections with people and cut things off as soon as they get too serious. Whatever your situation is, you may be left feeling like all relationships don’t work.

If you’re serious about your love life, you may want to examine the potential reasons why your relationships never work out. It can be easy to blame your ex-partners, but the reality is that relationships are two-sided. It’s more than likely you play a role in your failed relationships.

However, this also means that you have the power to make changes in order to improve your love life. Read on for some common reasons why relationships don’t work--and what to do about it.

Why Don’t Relationships Work?

Each person’s situation is different, but there are many common reasons why relationships never work for you. The good news is that you can take action to address those things.

Reason: You’re acting like someone else

Relationships often falter when authenticity is missing. While being vulnerable can be challenging, it's essential for a healthy connection. Any relationship built on pretense isn't sustainable. When you constantly act like someone you're not, you prevent your partner from truly knowing you. We often do this to shield ourselves from hurt or rejection, but it ultimately creates an inauthentic and lonely experience, leaving you feeling unsure about our relationship. This approach benefits neither you nor your potential partners. Solution: Embrace your true self

Even though it may sound simple to “just be yourself,” it can be difficult and scary--especially when you’re been pretending to be someone else for so long. However, embracing your true self is fundamental to having a healthy relationship.

The first step in being authentic with another person is being honest with yourself. Who are you, really? What do you like to do with your free time? What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

After getting in touch with yourself, reflect on what you truly want in a relationship, not what you think you “should” look for in a partner. 

Reason: You have unresolved issues

Sometimes, problems from past relationships can hold you back from thriving in a new relationship. If you have experienced infidelity, abuse, or any other kind of hardship with a romantic partner, you may see every new relationship through that lens.

While this is understandable, it can also prevent you from recognizing and enjoying a healthy relationship. Carrying past issues into a new relationship can taint the potential of a genuine connection or lead you to chase the wrong kind of person for you altogether.

This concept is not limited to romantic relationships. We often learn important lessons from other relationships, such as that of our parents. If your parents had a rocky relationship, you may have internalized those ideas about relationships--both consciously and subconsciously. Even past issues with friends can impact our dating life.

Solution: Work through your issues with a relationship therapist

Relationship counseling isn’t just for couples. Anyone who is experiencing issues in their love life could benefit from working with a relationship therapist, regardless of their relationship status. 

Therapy can help you get to the root of any issues that are holding you back from experiencing a fulfilling relationship. While each person’s therapy journey is different, you may work on issues like processing past trauma, managing your mental health, and learning new communication skills. 

As a Los Angeles relationship therapist myself, I take a results-oriented approach with all of my clients during dating coaching and therapy for dating issues. This means that you can expect to leave our sessions with tangible tools to work toward your love life goals.

Reason: You have unrealistic expectations

Many people hold onto false ideas about love and then ask themselves, “Why do my relationships never work out?” Well, the answer may be that your expectations are completely unrealistic. We learn about love from movies, television, books, and from the people in our lives. However, the ideas that we pick up from friends, family, and popular culture are not always applicable to our own situations.

For example, you may romanticize your parents’ love story and pine after the exact type of relationship they have. Maybe you are attracted to the idea of being with the kind of person who never settles down and wants to be the one to change them. 

Whatever the case is, having strong preconceived notions about a partner or relationship can cause it to fail before it even begins.

Solution: Get clear on what you actually need

It’s okay to have dreams or fantasies about what a relationship might look like, but getting too attached to these ideas can be a major reason why relationships never work out for you.

To prevent this, try separating what you need from a partner versus what you want from a partner. Think: you need a partner who is sober like you, but you want a tall brunette. The former is nonnegotiable, while the latter is a preference.

When you boil down your priorities, you can better keep yourself from setting your expectations too high and becoming disappointed.

I can help you get to the root of why your relationships don’t work with Therapy For Dating and Relationship Issues

Still feeling stuck about why your relationships never work out? I can help with either dating coaching or therapy for dating. 

At Therapy for Adults, we’ll work together to build on what’s going right in your love life, and we’ll incorporate new skills to help you find more authentic, meaningful connections with people. Therapy can also help you learn more about yourself and discover what you need from a partner, both of which can help you succeed in relationships.

Interested in learning more? Contact Steven today!