Navigating Harmony in Separate Homes: How Can Couples Therapy Help Support Married Couples Choosing to Live Apart?
In today's ever-evolving relationship dynamics, the traditional norms of cohabitation are being redefined. One evolving trend is the choice of some married couples to live separately. While this decision may raise eyebrows, it doesn't necessarily equate to a lack of commitment. In fact, for some partnerships, living apart can be a deliberate choice to maintain individuality, foster personal growth, or accommodate career demands. Even further, witnessing couples who happily live apart gives other partnerships an example of how the choice can be healthy, beneficial, and even a bit inspiring.
However, it also has its challenges. Seeking out an online couples therapist or couples counselor can be essential in addressing the unique issues that may arise from alternate living arrangements.
Let’s take a look at some of the issues that arise when couples live apart while together, and what are some of the ways couples therapy can help.
How Couples Therapy in Los Angeles, CA Can Help Overcome Relationship Issues
Respect For One Another’s Space and Choices
Many married couples choose to live apart because they need individual space to work. Or because they feel more comfortable living in solitude rather than sharing space, even with someone they love. While this arrangement may seem non-traditional to many, the ability to meet our partner with love means also honoring and accepting their boundaries, needs, work ethic, and space. It can be a challenge to come up with rules and parameters that work for each person in the marriage, but working with a couples counselor to discuss these choices only helps develop a greater sense of intimacy. Some couples choose to live apart because they have different living preferences. Maybe one partner needs a studio for their art, while the other prefers to live in a spartan or minimalist space. One partner might find that they need to live in a clean and organized space for their mental health, while another prefers a bit of happy chaos and doesn’t mind boxes or clutter.
One partner may prefer to live by the water or on acreage, while the other is adamant about being in a fast-paced city environment. Some couples struggle with energy thresholds too. If you are an early riser and your partner is a night owl, sometimes living apart can make all of the difference in your sense of peace and your connection to your work. In respecting one another’s space, it is also important to determine how far apart each of you will live. Do you prefer to be across the street, in the same building, or the same neighborhood for the sake of proximity? How will this affect when you visit one another, and how you spend time together? Is there an open-door policy for both of you? Do you have to live geographically far from one another due to commutes, travel schedules, or cost of living? How will this impact when and how long you spend time together? Will you both have cars or share one? These questions have an added complexity if your partnership is polyamorous. Addressing this with a couples therapist is essential to understanding what boundaries work for you and your partner.
Communication
One of the most common challenges faced by couples living separately is the potential strain on communication. Physical distance can lead to misunderstandings, misinterpretations, and feelings of emotional detachment. And, when there is a lack of physical presence together, not being able to see your partner’s body language or sense their state energetically can become a detriment. A therapist can help couples with strategies for open and honest communication. They can also help establish a pattern of regular check-ins that balance in-person time with screen communication. The assurance that stable communication offers goes a long way to building greater intimacy and trust and serves as a foundation for when complications arise.
Rituals of Connection
Understanding one another’s needs is paramount for couples that are not in the same domicile. Even more important is working together to ensure that both partners feel a connection to one another. While this looks different for every partnership, having a consistent routine can have a significant impact on harmony in the relationship. A couples therapist can help those in partnership come up with rituals that work for the relationship dynamic. Rituals do not have to be complex. Sending a good morning text daily, committing to in-person date nights regularly, meeting for lunch each day, or going for an evening run together all foster a sense of stability and continuity. What is important is that both partners can openly and safely communicate their connection needs. As well as reach an accord on how to support one another within them, and can be open to discussion about repair when needs shift or rituals have not been maintained.
Navigating Social Expectations: Family, Finances, Holidays, and Labor
For many married couples who choose to live apart, societal expectations can often be frustrating or cause a source of tension. Others are naturally curious about the reasons behind your choice not to live together. While ultimately you and your partner can choose how much you wish to share about your decision, knowing that you are both on the same page as to why you are living apart is crucial to your sense of the stability of the relationship. If you are both currently living together and debating whether or not living separately is the best next step for each of you, discussing this choice with a couples therapist is extremely helpful in understanding the motivations behind the decision, and can help give you a toolkit to navigate responses to those that question the choice.
Parenting While Living Apart
If you are both parents, navigating social expectations with children can also prove to be difficult. Being able to share with your children why you have chosen to live apart is important to their understanding of family and sense of security, especially when they spend time with other families who have chosen to be in one space. Reassuring them, allowing them to ask questions openly, and having discussions with them together are essential to their sense of consistency too.
If children are a part of your family dynamic, talking to a couples therapist about the division of labor is also crucial when you are not living together. How will you handle carpool? Will the children live primarily with one parent, or will there be a balance of time between both of you? How will their rooms and set-up look in each residence? Where will you list their place of living on medical documents? How will school districts and commutes affect these choices? Will holidays change? These are only some of the many questions that arise, but keeping a sense of family harmony requires working through the myriad of questions like these.
Living apart while together can present a unique set of circumstances with finances too. Deciding how each partner in the relationship will contribute, and discussing retirement, savings, debt, and spending patterns can all get a bit tricky when there are two residences to consider. Talking to a financial couples therapist is a great way to set the foundation for how you both traverse the monetary waters of living apart.
How a Los Angeles Couples Therapist Can Help!
Holidays and vacations can also be a fraught area for couples who are living apart. When and how will you each celebrate the holidays? Will one person host? Will you both host? Where will visiting family stay? How will you establish or maintain family rituals and traditions? How will your holiday spending be affected by living apart? How will you handle summer vacations and travel? Being sure to prepare in advance and thoroughly discuss expectations is necessary. As it can help to set the tenor for a more peaceful time during the holidays and vacation.
While living in separate residences may challenge conventional norms, seeking out a couples therapist is one way to ensure harmony within your decisions. With couples therapy, you’ll be able to discuss the complexity of issues that arise when living apart is an essential component in the contentment of each partner, setting up a foundation, having a clear sense of understanding, working on an outline of communication, establishing connection rituals, and going over a financial plan can go a long way to ensuring that the arrangement only fosters a deeper sense of togetherness, engagement, partnership, and love.
Ready to Begin Couples Therapy in Los Angeles, CA?
Choosing to live apart doesn't mean facing relationship challenges alone. Embrace the opportunity to strengthen your bond through couples therapy, where a skilled Los Angeles couples therapist at Therapy for Adults can guide you both through communication hurdles, trust issues, and emotional distance. Take that first step towards a more resilient and fulfilling relationship by seeking the support and tools that couples therapy offers for navigating the complexities of living apart while nurturing a thriving connection. Follow these three simple steps to get started:
Contact me today for a free consultation to see if couples therapy in Los Angeles is right for your relationship
Begin meeting with me, Steven Reigns, a skilled Los Angeles couples therapist
Start working with your partner to strengthen your bonds!
Other Counseling Services I Offer in Los Angeles
At Therapy for Adults, I offer support for anyone experiencing relationship issues, not just couples. In addition to helping couples strengthen their bonds and help them navigate living apart in couples therapy and marriage counseling, I offer dating coaching and therapy for dating and relationship issues. I also help highly sensitive people process their uniqueness and appreciate their surroundings and rich internal life. All of these services are available through online therapy throughout California. For more posts like this, check out my Blog!
