What are Yellow Flags in My Relationship and What Do They Mean? Tips From a Los Angeles Couples Therapist
There is a lot of talk about red and green flags in the dating world. Is this person a consistent communicator? Green flag! My date doesn’t take accountability for their mistakes? Red flag!
But what about yellow flags, especially in marriages and long-term relationships? Yellow flags are a marker of where your relationship may be experiencing some tension. They are the perfect invitation to not only seek out couples therapy. But to work on the health and long-term fulfillment of your partnership. The accessibility of online couples therapy at Therapy for Adults makes it easier to keep your relationship on track.
What Are Yellow Flags That May be Popping up in Your Relationship and What do They Mean?
Heightened emotion, or reacting versus responding to seemingly trivial occurrences
Occurances especially over issues that have been easy to resolve in the past. Often, yellow flags are present when we get inordinately reactive or defensive. Over day-to-day details and expectations. It is not just that your partner forgot to get the dry cleaning—again—before an extended business trip. It is not just that your significant other bailed on cooking dinner—again—for the weekend. It is how we respond to these patterns that is an indicator. Were we willing to be understanding and compassionate in the past and now are feeling heated, impatient, frustrated, or shut down? Do these patterns prevent contentment or trust with our partner? Do they cause us to find everything our partner does irritating? Getting to the bottom of the tension behind the patterns is a yellow flag. And keeping harmony within the relationship can continue with the help of couples therapy.
By looking at behaviors and what they represent, an online couples therapist can help clarify what is going on under the surface. Did your partner forget the dry cleaning because they have been overwhelmed at work and it is causing them to be forgetful? Is it because they prioritize other errands? Do they feel that they can openly communicate their perspective in the relationship or not? In the other scenario, was it an oversight that now has turned into a pattern? Was it because this partner could not ask for help in making dinner and just decided to ignore their commitment? If these issues are not addressed in therapy at a yellow flag moment, they can quickly turn into resentment. Which can lead to rifts in intimacy and trust, and can ultimately break down a relationship.
Shifting communication patterns
Often, yellow flags appear when patterns of communication change. Maybe one partner neglected to follow anniversary traditions. Rather than addressing it openly and communicating about why there was a shift in behavior, this partner shut down without explanation or apology. Maybe the other partner, stunned and hurt that the traditions were not upheld, decides not to encourage dialogue but to create emotional distance by also shutting down, refusing to engage, or choosing to take on punishing behavior.
While often our tendency is to initially overlook or excuse changes in communication—think: it was just once, it’s not that big of a deal, maybe my expectations are too high, we’ve both been under a lot of stress lately, etc.—seeing this as a yellow flag is an invitation to uncover why communication patterns are not being upheld in the relationship. Online couples therapy allows the ideal forum for each person to share how they see the communication between them deviating from previous patterns of openness and trust. Couples therapy for relationship issues is extremely helpful in this regard. It allows each party to safely share their experience and discuss how to resolve it so as to not cause long-term damage to the relationship.
A change in the consistency of trust
As a relationship evolves, there are points of security established between partners that lead to contentment, safety, and a continued growth in trust. When there are breaches or violations of established trust, this is a yellow flag. Being able to talk through the history of the relationship—particularly how trust was built, fostered, and nurtured—with an online couples counselor is an ideal way to gain perspective on the entirety of the relationship, and can help uncover how trust deviations are affecting a sense of safety and security in the relationship.
Unusual or new patterns of behavior that may be confusing
In a marriage or relationship, each partner knows the other with deep intimacy. When there is a new pattern of behavior, this can sometimes be a yellow flag to look into the motivation behind it. At times, a shift in behavior can be a healthy choice—working out more, eating better, consulting a physician over health issues that may have been ignored in the past, etc. But other times, changes in behavior can be a yellow flag—or a window into looking at the health of the relationship dynamic.
Did one partner pick up a second racquetball league because they are trying to avoid issues at home? Did another partner suddenly give up their volunteer work without mentioning why? Did one person in the relationship go from not traveling to constantly being on the road? Did a usually thrifty partner start spending excessively? Are there new groups of friends that are impacting how one partner spends their time? An online couples therapist can help each partner take a look at the motivating factors behind the new behaviors. To help suss out if they might represent a yellow flag in how you are both connecting as a couple.
Changes in physical touch or intimacy
Often, when we notice our partner is engaging differently in terms of touch it can be a yellow flag. Perhaps one partner is grappling with health concerns and does not have the space to engage in physical intimacy. Maybe another is processing an aging body or accepting that they cannot enjoy exercise with the same vigor they once were able to, leading them to pull away from physical engagement of all kinds. One partner could be questioning if they are asexual, while another may be “touched out” by being around small children all day.
While physical intimacy and our relationship to touch ebb and flow over time, often when there is a marked change, it is a time to seek out therapy for relationship issues. This allows each partner to see how they can better support one another. To understand each other’s shifting needs and boundaries around physical intimacy. Being able to talk through this aspect not only leads to further connection but can be the gateway to a renewed or reignited sense of physical affection and passion.
A lack of gratitude or affirmation can also be a yellow flag
When a partner is intentional and engaged, consciously noticing aspects of their partner, it can be a yellow flag when this behavior changes. Maybe your partner is disengaged and distracted when you are being honored at an awards banquet for work. Where once they would have been affirming and proud of your success, now they seem to not have much interest. Perhaps one person is great about offering gratitude to their partner for the labor that they do around the house. Maybe they have stopped offering thanks and are also not contributing as they once did to domestic responsibilities. When this lack of engagement and appreciation happens, it is important to seek out an online couples therapist who can help each person get to the reason behind the shift in perspective.
Recognizing and addressing yellow flags in a partnership or marriage is essential for maintaining a healthy, strong, and fulfilling relationship. By being willing to work together as a team and call attention to yellow flags. Truly an invitation for greater relationship harmony. Couples can go from questioning to thriving with the help of an online Los Angeles couples therapist. Seeking help is a sign of strength. By addressing yellow flags early on, couples can build a resilient bond to ensure a happier and more fulfilling partnership for years to come.
Ready to Address The Yellow Flags in Your Relationship With Couples Therapy in Los Angeles, CA?
Don't wait for the storm to hit. Address the yellow flags in your relationship before they escalate with a skilled couples therapist at Therapy for Adults. Join us for couples therapy, where we'll help you navigate these challenges and build a stronger foundation for lasting harmony. Follow these three simple steps to get started:
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Other Counseling Services I Offer in Los Angeles
At Therapy for Adults, I offer support for anyone experiencing relationship issues, not just couples. In addition to addressing yellow flags with couples counseling, I offer dating coaching and therapy for dating and relationship issues. Additionally, I help highly sensitive people process their uniqueness and appreciate their surroundings and rich internal life. All of these services are available through online therapy throughout California. Check out my blog for more articles!
