What Are The Ten Most Common Questions People Ask a Couples Therapist? A Los Angeles Couples Therapist Weighs In
For those who are new to couples therapy, making that first appointment can often come with a lot of questions. It is entirely normal to feel a sense of trepidation when it means discussing your family patterns, dating history, relationship tensions, or communication work. It may even seem a bit intimidating. However, working with a Los Angeles couples therapist is about creating a space where you feel seen and heard. It is an invitation to move through blocks that may be keeping you from a greater sense of fulfillment and harmony, all within a safe environment free of judgment.
Also, experiencing more connection with your partner or spouse is only one of the benefits of working with a marriage therapist. Practicing skills that contribute to greater self-awareness not only leads to a sense of peace and understanding within yourself, it can also positively impact any place you share your energy. Doing inner work can point you to more clarity in work interactions, mean a greater connection in family spaces, and a deeper understanding in friendships too. And, as you work to re-route patterns that are no longer helpful, there is a renewed sense of possibility and hope.
Ten Most Common Questions People Ask a Couples Therapist
How can therapy help my relationship?
The beauty behind this question is that the person asking it is already curious about wanting to better their partnership. Even more energizing is that therapy is tailored to what you and your partner specifically hope to work on. Do you both struggle with how you communicate? A Los Angeles couples therapist can work with you to offer tools and practices that you may not have considered before. A therapist will also follow up, encourage accountability, and celebrate wins as both of you progress with the sessions and your understanding of one another individually and as a couple. You and your partner have the freedom to choose what you want to address in your connection, whether that be discussing sexual preferences, management of finances, religious differences, parenting concerns, or family conditioning. Keep in mind that these are only a few of the many options.
Can therapy fix my relationship?
Wondering if therapy can fix your relationship may be an initial question couples have, it also speaks to something very important. If a relationship is feeling like it needs to be “fixed,” if something feels off, or if there is frustration, tension, anger, or even dissociation, these are all waving flags that there are areas to be addressed in your partnership. Often, coming to an accord or understanding with your spouse is not so much about what can be “fixed” (solution-oriented thinking) but instead what can be worked on so as not to perpetuate detrimental patterns.
Why do couples go to therapy?
In a culture that tends to generalize, therapy can sometimes be perceived as a “last resort” to “save” a relationship. However, it is anything but. Couples go to therapy for a myriad of reasons, encompassing everything from how to put the spark back into their intimacy to working on navigating aging parents. While going to couples therapy can mean a deep dive into personal and couples healing, it can also be a time for a relationship refresh, check-in with one other, or a way to prepare for life transitions such as children heading off to kindergarten or to college.
Why am I scared to go to therapy?
Fear of the unknown is common, and there is absolutely nothing “wrong” about feeling trepidation regarding therapy. You are making a commitment to ask yourself questions in therapy you may have been avoiding, and you are sharing vulnerable aspects of yourself and may still be carrying the pain of not feeling seen, heard, or validated. At the same time, therapy is a safe space for you to explore, move through blockages that are keeping you from your best self, combat challenging behaviors, and learn new skills and coping techniques that will better help you manage stress and strife in the future. Working with a couples therapist by admitting your fear or reticence is a great place to start.
How can therapy help me?
Ultimately therapy is a commitment to yourself and your growth. While it may be a challenge to take a look at behaviors and patterns that have not been helpful in your life, by facing them and taking on the work, you are setting yourself up for greater long-term peace. The joy of therapy is that you always have a choice about what issues you wish to address and explore, all on your own timetable. There is never a rush to heal, only a nurturing environment that allows you the space to process in your own time.
How do I know what to say in therapy?
As a reassurance, this is a very valid and common concern. We all have differing levels of emotional awareness and intelligence, and sometimes the language to express where we are can seem daunting. However, part of working with a couples therapist is to learn how to identify emotions and to be able to describe them. Even if you are unsure how a therapist will help guide you in the process. Learning to be curious about yourself, and your growth, and having radical self-compassion are all part of expanding your emotional vocabulary too.
I don’t want to go to therapy but I don’t know what to do.
While this is not a question, it is also a very common concern. Sometimes people choose therapy proactively when they know they are going to be facing a life change: retirement, divorce, or an overseas move. For others, therapy can feel more like a lifeline in the midst of depression, disconnection, or devasting circumstances. The questions behind this statement are of great importance: where is the resistance to therapy coming from? What belief systems do you have about therapy? Have you heard negative stories from friends? Read things about therapy that made you feel defensive or resistant? Been conditioned by how the family views therapy? Resistant to the process or opening up emotionally with someone who seems like a stranger? Is cost a hesitation? Taking a look at your own internalized beliefs about therapy will also help you sort out your reluctance.
What does therapy help with?
Therapy is a great resource for learning skills and working on growth options that are tailored to your specific concerns and inner work. Do not want to perpetuate patterns of anger management you have seen with your parents? Therapy is an ideal way to begin deconstructing how you have experienced anger and rebuilding new practices for yourself that are helpful. Want to be sure your marriage stays connected? Concerned you are modeling parenting behavior that is detrimental to your children?
Confused about why certain patterns and cycles seem to perpetuate in your relationships? Want to make better financial decisions than you have in the past? Curious about stress-coping techniques to reduce anxiety? Want to know how to better hold space for your partner? Looking to repair your marriage after infidelity? These are only a few areas that therapy can help with. Consulting with your couples therapist in your first appointment will help ease some of these concerns and give you both a sense of direction for your sessions too.
What do I say in therapy? - or - I don’t know what to talk about in therapy.
It is absolutely ok to feel this. Even if you are not sure how to articulate what you are feeling or experiencing, even the instinct to reach out is the correct one. If the thought of couples therapy seems overwhelming, this is ok too. Part of what a couples therapist does is to guide you through the process and help you identify what you may need to address. Often, we don’t necessarily know what is off, just that we know something *is* off. Even taking this first step to reach out and admit this goes a long way to helping yourself, your growth, and your partnerships.
Why am I going to therapy when I don’t know what’s wrong?
Sometimes, it may seem that much is wrong, only to learn that what might seem “wrong” is actually a cue to address areas that you might not have processed. In some ways “not knowing what is wrong” is an invitation to find out what can be better. For example, what if it seems you are repeatedly drawn to emotionally unavailable people? While this may seem like something is “wrong,” what it actually means is that it is something deserving of attention.
In other words, what has caused you to feel a connection with emotionally unavailable people in the past? Are you drawn to them or are they drawn to you? Is it both? Is the connection to emotionally unavailable people actually something to do with boundary work for yourself? Are you secretly more comfortable with emotionally unavailable people? These are only a few questions and one example, but being aware that the impulse to go to therapy is often a welcome mat for greater healing helps too.
Embrace the Journey Together: Transform, Grow, and Thrive With The Help of a Los Angeles Couples Therapist
No matter what concerns or curiosities you might have around therapy, knowing that a couples therapist is there it walk you through the process – and create a safe and supportive environment to do inner work – can be exciting. It is a chapter meant for transformation, growth, and ultimately moving past patterns that are not bringing you to your best levels of fulfillment and connection. Working in therapy as a couple with Therapy for Adults is also another way to affirm your love and commitment to one another, and to your own progress through each chapter of life.
Find Support With Your Relationship With The Help of a Los Angeles Couples Therapist
Are you feeling uncertain about seeking couples therapy in Los Angeles, CA? Take the first step towards a healthier, more fulfilling relationship by connecting with an experienced couples therapist at Therapy for Adults. Don’t wait—invest in your love and happiness now! Follow these three simple steps to get started:
Contact me today for a free consultation to see if couples therapy is right for you
Begin meeting with me, Steven Reigns, a skilled Los Angeles couples therapist
Start creating a healthier relationship with your partner!
Other Counseling Services I Offer in Los Angeles
At Therapy for Adults, I offer support for individuals and couples. So, in addition to helping you create a healthier relationship in couples therapy, I also offer dating coaching and therapy for dating and relationship issues. Additionally, I help highly sensitive people process their uniqueness and appreciate their surroundings and rich internal life. All of these services are available through online therapy throughout California. Check out my blog for more articles!
About the Author
Therapy for Adults is a boutique counseling practice specializing in nurturing healthy relationships. Led by Steven, a Licensed Therapist, who has over a decade of experience, our practice offers tailored therapy sessions for individuals and couples. Using an eclectic and evidence-based approach, we empower our clients to deepen emotional intimacy, resolve conflicts, and cultivate lasting connection, and fulfilling relationships.
